User blog:Ethanlac/DancerCatTheism
I'm certain that nost of you know about ArcherCatTheism, this wiki's religion. However, what if I told you that there was another option? For those of you who believe in a higher power, but can't stand Archer Cat, fear not; there is another way... the way of... =DancerCatTheism= Beginnings The world was created 15 billion years ago by an entity known as God Cat. He was poofed into being by an as-of-yet unknown higher power. God Cat was bored after about 5.12979932769910732924274869038171386 minutes of alone time, so he decided to poof our universe into existence. On a small green and blue planet, God Cat began to poof creatures into existence. First, he created Cat. This small, round cat was the original design from which all other Cats would be born. He was not nearly as intelligent as today's great thinkers, and he was not attractive, but he paved the way for other Cats to exist. God Cat poofs more Cats into existence, and by this time he began to grow bored again. So, he decided to poof an enemy into existence. Satan Cat. Satan Cat immediately went around terrorizing Cats, poofing the first Doges into existence to maul them. God then began to create more varieties of Cats, to fight back against the intruders. Eventually, after an unimaginably vast amount of time, small villages of about 1000-2000 Cats came into being, despite their non-poofy origins. This is where our story begins... Original Cats Back then, in the year 2894 BD (before dancer), there were a fair amount of Cats, but not as many as today. Most Super Rare and a few Rare Cats were absent. Any aspiring Nerd Cats were immediately crucified. Uber Rares were theorized, but did not exist. A young Kung Fu Cat (we'll call him Nyala Neko), living in the small castle-state of Toonah, had aspired to become a priest cat. This was a problem, because priests were among the highest-ranking Cats, while Kung Fu Cats were more, if you please, middle class. Life for Cats was pretty tough back then, because you couldn't just go down to the local NyankoMart; Cats tinned Cat Food and grew Catnip, and every family had at least one member absent to fight wars. King Nyaro's despotic, manaical rule over Nyankalucia prohibited families from living in peace. Nyala had always wanted to preach good living and the right methods to treat fellow Cats. However, Kung Fu Cats, and a host of other Cats, were expected to fight wars against rival castle-states. Priest Cats simply had to motivate the populace, make religious propaganda, and make desperate last stands and cunning, pre-death one-liners. One fateful day, the day before Nyala was expected to be conscripted, a competition was held to see who the next priest-king would be. Nyala entered... and won. However, the judges didn't like the concept of a martial artist teaching religion, so they had this exchange: (paraphrased) Judge Cat 1: You're not the right kind of guy for us. Nyala: But I won the contest. Judge Cat 2: We still have the power. No get out of here or we send you out on your ass. Nyala was sad. Nyala was very sad. But then... Wait a bit God Cat descended from the sky. Judge 1: ...God Cat? Is that you? God Cat: Yes, it's me, the one and only. Judge 2: What are you going to do? God Cat: I'm here to send my chosen Cat on the path to greatness. Nyala: Let me guess; it's not me. God Cat: It's you. Nyala: :·} God Cat: But not in your present form. Nyala: :·{ God Cat: To prove your worth, my chosen Cat... preach these ideals. These commandments are what all DancerCatTheism members must follow. 1. Thou shalt not abstain from murdering enemies. 2. Thou shalt not vandalize. 3. If thoust encountereth an annoying Wiki membere, Commandment #2 shalt be ignored. 4: Thou shalt not bring harm to your fellow Cats. 5: If thy fellow Cats are being annoying, thoust art granted the right to play various annoying pranks on them. 6: Friendly duches, slothes, and dragones are granted legal cathoode. 7: Absolutely no Cat food lending. 8: Commandment #7 also applies to Catseyes, Catamines, and XP. 9: Individuales named "Gamatoto" are to be exempted from military service. 10: If there are more than 20 individuales named "Gamatoto" in one area, the military will be called in. 11: If thou encountereth Cats with religious ideales different than yours, spend ~30 minutes trying to convert them. Then you can go for the kill. Nyala: That sounds stupid and contradictory. God Cat: That's the point. The Adventure Only 3 parts per post. Don't get greedy. Category:Blog posts Category:Blog posts